they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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