dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Enjoy the penises
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
