im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
