Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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