I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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