i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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