Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I am mentally ready for anal.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
