yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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