I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Randomize
