Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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