they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
