Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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