Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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