I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
