I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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