There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
