My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
