Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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