my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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