Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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