I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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