just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
