i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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