have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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