Soap is not a condiment
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
