I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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