You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
