New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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