I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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