i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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