So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
