see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Randomize
