I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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