I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
