found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
