Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
