hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
