Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
