Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I currently don't understand fingers.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
