Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Randomize
