After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
