why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
