Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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