When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I forgot how hot balto sounded
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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