I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I haven't been this sober since birth.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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