i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
