There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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