no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
