hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
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