before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
