Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
even my farts smell like vagina
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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