I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
