a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
