The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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