Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
