Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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