I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
