Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
