i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
