You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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