...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just want to make out with him forever
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
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