I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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